Recommend me some music.

Problem: I listen to the same music over and over again everyday. I listen to many different types of music, but I tend to listen to the same bands and artists constantly. So, if you read this at all, please comment and give me your recommendations. If you can provide a link or something, that would be really helpful too. Thanks in advance.

To make sure you don't give me something I already listen to,

Here are my favorites: Jack's Mannequin, Jimmy Eat World, City and Colour, Fall Out Boy, Smashing Pumpkins, Something Corporate, Polar Bear Club, Lydia, Brand New, Say Anything, Acceptance, The Gaslight Anthem, Alkaline Trio, Manchester Orchestra, Kings of Leon, I Am The Avalanche, The Movielife, MGMT, Journey, The Beatles, Tom Petty, Heart, New Found Glory, Saves The Day, The Get Up Kids, Demi Lovato, Ra Ra Riot, Danger Radio, Duffy, Laura Marling, The Spill Canvas, Have Heart, Every Time I Die, Fun, The Hush Sound, M83, Ryan Adams, Sigur Ros, Mew, Alphabeat, The Black Keys, Midtown etc. 

You get the idea.

Now tell me your favorites!

Secrets.

This is my secret, too.

leave home.

leave familiar.

leave the course you're on because you never wanted to be there in the first place.

leave him.

leave her.

leave because they don't appreciate your love, now do they really?

and with each passing day you slowly lose your shine

your glow

your spark

your fight

your heart.

you talk about it all the time.

just fucking leave...

and find yourself.

- christopher gutierrez.

I don't know where I am my happiest anymore. I love Boston, don't get me wrong. I love it so much. I think that it is a great city and a great place to gain experience. But, I miss home. I miss my friends. I don't have many friends there. No one that reminds me of home. The only time I ever really feel like myself in that city is when I'm alone, wandering around or just sitting in my room. Except for maybe two people, no one really makes me feel like I do when I'm home. I don't really trust anyone there, but that's not really different from here. I really wish I could open up to people there, but it's just so hard. Maybe I haven't met the right people, but I hope I do soon. I watch that place slowly destroy everyone, and I feel like we could all be happier if we just found what we were looking for.

But I think my problem is much larger than that.

I don't think I can sit still. I need to get out and see so much more than just Boston. I want to go back to the Oregon coast. I want to go to Europe. I want to travel around with good friends in cars and just see as much as possible. I enjoy not sleeping. I love laughing at nothing and sing alongs with complete strangers. 

I am my happiest when I am a bit of a mess.

I need this education. But I also need to get out and meet new people and see new things, because my wandering mind has no use for me sitting in lonely dorms and classrooms with kids only concerned with getting to the top.

I don't want to get to the top.

I just want to be happy.

And once I can rid myself of this routine, I will be off running.

Things To Do Before I (Die).

These are the main things I wish to accomplish in my lifetime. Let's see how much I can do in 2009.

01. Visit:

-Copenhagen, Denmark

-London

-Ireland

-France

-Italy

-Australia

-Alaska

-Africa

-China

-Japan

-Iceland

-California

02. Hear Konstantine sung live. (Preferably within a Something Corporate reunion, but I will settle for just Andrew if he ever decides to do it.)

03. Learn fluent French and Danish.

04. Go to big music festivals (SXSW, Coachella, Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza, Glastonbury, etc.)

05. Open my own music venue.

06. Write a novel.

07. Get another tattoo.

08. Own every Charles Bukowski book ever made.

09. Go on tour.

10. Visit all 50 states.

11. Meet Michael Cera.

12. Donate a large amount of money to a charity anonymously. 

13. Donate blood.

14. Go to the top of the Prudential Center, Empire State Building, and the Sears Tower.

15. Graduate college.

16. Be an extra in a movie.

17. Be an extra in a music video.

18. Own 1,000 books and create my own library.

19. Write a song.

20. Be happy. (okay this one is kind of a joke, but i couldn't think of another one, and i needed to end it evenly.)

There is probably more that I could add, but not right now.

Bring Me Your Love Tonight.

I saw this man tonight at the Middle East in Boston.

And I am convinced that he is one of the most talented people I have ever come across. Someone who is far better live than on a recording, hands down.

I went alone. Mainly because it was sold out and no one else who offered to go with me could get a ticket. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Being alone has its perks sometimes. Sure, you have no one to talk to, but you're never really alone and you're never really bored.

William Elliott Whitmore opened, and he was incredible. I had chills his entire set, and that never happens. 

City and Colour started not long after, and played just about everything good, except for Save Your Scissors and Casey's Song. But we did get to hear The Girl, Body In A Box, Comin' Home, As Much As I Ever Could, etc. etc. so it's not like we didn't get to hear anything incredible. The best moment of the entire set was probably when Dallas asked us all to sing the chorus of Sleeping Sickness really loud along with him. I think I must have had the biggest smile on my face at this point. It was probably one of my favorite moments from any show I have ever been to, even though it didn't last long.

I could go on and on about this show, and Dallas in general, but I won't. But he is so talented, and so is his band and if you don't already listen to them, please do yourself a favor. 

we are attracted to this for a reason. in the beginning it all seems so clear but after time so many of us lose sight. the image gets smudged by back-stabbing, scene points, who got to the barricade first, list spots, message board drama, backstage passes and name dropping.

don't you remember why you wanted this? when it was more than music. when it was a fight. and not a fight against your parents and the kids at school or even the popular radio dance crap you hear day in and day out. when it was about a real fight...the fight to save yourself from yourself.

see, this isn't about that hot and sweaty feeling of being smashed in a sea of a thousand people or playing dress up for the show or winking at the bass player or impressing boys or girls or bands or security guards or getting on tour busses...

it's about being alone in your room with headphones on and feeling it so hard it brings tears to your eyes.

its about driving home alone at night and screaming at the top of your lungs to words that at that moment in the world, only you understand.

its about not being scared anymore.

its about the refusal to sit on a couch and rot.

its about forcing yourself out the door to be productive.

and its about wanting to live so hard you just know you're going to shred this world or go out trying.

-christopher gutierrez

Sometimes, I forget why I'm here. I forget why I go to this school, why I learn what I learn, why I go to shows, why I'm living this life. I end up complaining about the people or the homework or the silly little things, that I really end up forgetting that I love this and that I would do anything to make all of this mine. 

Some people here look at me like I'm here for the wrong reasons. I think they question my intentions, which is understandable considering I am a girl and most girls in my situation are in it for all the wrong reasons. But I do love this more than anything. Yes, I am a girl, but no I am not a slut trying to get with guys in bands. Yes, I stand in the back during most shows, but not because I don't care. I have permanent nerve damage, and the littlest bump could fuck it up even more. But the funny thing is is that that injury is why I'm here in the first place. And as I sit here with another potential fracture in the same arm that changed everything, I am reminded why I am here. 

I am so appreciative of everything that has happened to me in the past few years. My injury, the shows, the friends, this school. I'm a better person for it. But there are days when I question all of it. It's not because I'm unhappy, but I am just discontent with how I am using up my time.

I owe it to myself to make these situations better for myself. I will make something out of all of these experiences. And I say this because I care about it. The music is why I'm here, and a few bad days will not make me want to give it all up. I don't know anything else better in this world, and I'm determined to stay and make the most of it.

The Secret.

So, I never understood the hype of The Secret. In all honesty, I still really have no idea what it is or why it is such a huge deal, but I do know that it has something to do with the Law of Attraction, whatever that is. 

But anyways, I was curious, and so I tried to look for the book, but it wasn't at the store so I got some daily reminder thing, where they give you quotes from the book or theories or whatever. Today's was pretty funny/weird:

"You are a unique and magnificent human being. Of all the billions of people on the planet, there is not another You, and your very existence is vital to the functioning of our Universe, because you are one part of that whole Universe. All that you see, and all that there is, could not exist without you!"

That is honestly the funniest thing I have heard all day, and I have no idea why.