leave home.

leave familiar.

leave the course you're on because you never wanted to be there in the first place.

leave him.

leave her.

leave because they don't appreciate your love, now do they really?

and with each passing day you slowly lose your shine

your glow

your spark

your fight

your heart.

you talk about it all the time.

just fucking leave...

and find yourself.

- christopher gutierrez.

I don't know where I am my happiest anymore. I love Boston, don't get me wrong. I love it so much. I think that it is a great city and a great place to gain experience. But, I miss home. I miss my friends. I don't have many friends there. No one that reminds me of home. The only time I ever really feel like myself in that city is when I'm alone, wandering around or just sitting in my room. Except for maybe two people, no one really makes me feel like I do when I'm home. I don't really trust anyone there, but that's not really different from here. I really wish I could open up to people there, but it's just so hard. Maybe I haven't met the right people, but I hope I do soon. I watch that place slowly destroy everyone, and I feel like we could all be happier if we just found what we were looking for.

But I think my problem is much larger than that.

I don't think I can sit still. I need to get out and see so much more than just Boston. I want to go back to the Oregon coast. I want to go to Europe. I want to travel around with good friends in cars and just see as much as possible. I enjoy not sleeping. I love laughing at nothing and sing alongs with complete strangers. 

I am my happiest when I am a bit of a mess.

I need this education. But I also need to get out and meet new people and see new things, because my wandering mind has no use for me sitting in lonely dorms and classrooms with kids only concerned with getting to the top.

I don't want to get to the top.

I just want to be happy.

And once I can rid myself of this routine, I will be off running.